Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Reading between the lines, or, somethings are just better left unsaid

Another email gem regarding Portobello.
Some misguided soul sent this missive:

Hi; my name is Kristian and I'm living in
Son, not far from Oslo, Norway.
I visited you in your interesting shop saturday 15.03.08, during my easter holiday in London. I bought a stuffed carp (fish), and in addition to that, I among other things looked at a graywhite roedeer scull in the bottom of your staircase priced to 30 pounds. This scull was whole and not on a wooden piece. It seemed to have been found at forest ground, not from a hunted animal. I would very much like to have this one, and is it possible to send it for me, please? I will ofcourse pay the porto in addition to the price.

To say I was in two minds would be putting it mildly. I opted to be nice. The italics are what I wanted to say, but omitted.

Dear Kristian -
As we don't sell rubbish, I am afraid to say you have the wrong dealer. We specialise in rare and unusual examples of Victorian natural history. That I am sure you would not appreciate or buy, as it is all a little more than £30. I am afraid I am unfamiliar with the dealer you visited. Who is obviously too cheap to advertise in the Portobello guide. I can only assume it is the one with the random assortment of crap masquerading as taxidermy near, or in, the Admiral Vernon.
Best of luck. and please do not bother me again.

Have you heard the one about the doctor's wife and the Norwegian tourist? It's a hoot....

Now playing: Kirsty MacColl - Here Comes That Man Again
via FoxyTunes


Pigtown-Design said...

your between the lines make me laugh...

the House of Beauty and Culture said...

I'm glad. It's a giggle ;)

Cote de Texas said...

What I'm wondering is what your partner had to say about THIS letter! oh so funny!!!! $30!!!! I mean, that barely covers two lattes at Starbucks.


katiedid said...

What is it with people. They come to you for your expertise, and yet do not want to pay for it. I run into it EVERYDAY! So maddening. But with your sense of humor, I am sure these people offer some comic relief.

the House of Beauty and Culture said...

CdT - Oh, he is SO different. He thought I should go and get the skull and send it on to the Norwegian. Though he is far gruffer than I, he really is the kindest person I have ever known.
He always laughs when people describe me as "the nice one".

the House of Beauty and Culture said...

Katiedid - Ooodles!