Tuesday, 5 February 2008

To anonymous



There is always one smart arse cunt that just has to go that one step too far. Well, guess what asshole, I'll see your one step and raise you two.
I stood for it on Decorno because I did not want to be rude. Well here I can do as I damn well like. I think you are nothing more than a snide insecure little prick that has his head so far up his own arse I am surprised you can breathe. Because someone proffers an opinion you do not like or you disagree with does not give you the right to take cheap pot-shots at them. You started it. I fully intend to finish it. You are no better than the snobs you seem to have such contempt for; you are merely the other side of the same coin. Judgemental and presumptuous; two attributes I have always attributed to the ignorant. So ignorant, in fact, that you don't see the world needs saving from people like you. If you, and your ilk (i.e., Labour), have any more influence here, I will gladly drink the Kool-Aid. Face it, people like you are just the grist to the mill. Liberate?! What a fucking joke. Liberate your head from your arse first, then worry about the rest of the fucking world.

My father was a U.S. Marine (like his father before him) - have any of your people actually been in the service of the country you are so mockingly proud of? Or, have they all been like you?

Fork you
anonymous said...
I have several fish sets (bought in British Victoria) and you know what, I don't give a rat's ass what HOBAC think or an other fish-and-chips type thinks. These people still have a monarchy. They should save their disdain and outrage for that.

Fact is fish sets are beautiful. I use mine because I enjoy looking them, not because I'm trying to live by Victorian conventions.

I mean, who cares? I certainly wouldn't be taking advice from someone who thinks turning a samovar into a lamp is cool idea.


My reply - Anon - so eloquent and so erudite, you obviously need no one's advice, least of all mine.
Use them in good health, but mind the bones. Wouldn't want you to choke, now, would we?

If you wish to attack me personally feel free to send an email, or if you are ever in London, assuming of course you have a passport, it can be easily arranged. There is nothing I can think of I'd rather do than kick your sorry ass from one end of Portobello Road to the other, and back again.


Thanks for the concern HOBAC. That's mighty kind of you. But didn't you know? In America the fish— just like the chicken—don't have bones. We also grow seedless grapes and raise all-rib pigs. That's right, an entire hog, just made out of ribs. Heck, you can even eat the ribs with your hands. Don't even have to worry about the proper cutlery.

You see, America is the land of the free. And that means we can use fish forks and knives (to eat ANYTHING we want, by the way, and that includes cookies and Milky Way bars) or no knives at all (hello tacos, ribs, bologna sandwiches, fried chicken). And, of course, we're free to gulp it all down with a 64-ounce cherry Slurpee from 7-11.

We'd love to liberate you Brits so that you, too, can be free to use Victorian cutlery without shame or fear of faux pas. I'm sure our great president wouldn't mind committing a few thousand troops to overthrow your oppressive monarchy and secure a green zone around Portobello Road. From there it will be "Mission Accomplished" and all that will be left to do will be rounding up insurgents (a.k.a "snobs"). They'll be held in great dining halls, where they'll be forced to eat every meal, including their breakfast porridge, with a vintage fish knife and fork.

To commemorate the liberation, every single samovar in the land will be melted down to make a 10 story high sculpture of a fish knife and said sculpture will be named after the beloved princess Diana (who, it is well-known, used a fish fork set to overcome her eating disorder).

[Here where I point my fish knife at you for emphasis.]

Interesting that you believe that one not giving a rat's ass about your opinion of fish knife use constitutes a personal attack. My guess is either you're posting from London psychiatric ward or Buckingham palace.

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10 comments:

mamacita said...

Who is this awful person?

/clutches pearls

the House of Beauty and Culture said...

mamacita - not apologising, it is what is. I just hope it didn't offend you. I am just getting a little tired of censoring myself.

Jackie Von Tobel said...

You are my new Hero! Anon be damned! I'll be in London the week of the 25th and I'm free for dinner on the 27th. I'd be happy to share some boney fish with you for dinner. Let me know if you're available.
Jackie

katiedid said...

Is this supposed to be irony? Sarcasm? It is hard to believe anon is serious. Perhaps they have nothing better to do than write inflammatory remarks because they are sitting in a jail cell where they are serving a life sentence for vintage fish fork laundering.

Pigtown-Design said...

What a jerk... that whole attack came out of no-where. You tell'em, House!

Cote de Texas said...

omg, you go boy. we'll have your back at Portobello Road.

Suzy said...

Is anyone else wondering if this is the same annoying Anon from other annoying posts? Good for you HOBAC. As a non American, I find comments about being "liberated" more than a little distasteful...

Mrs. Blandings said...

I find someone who cannot even make up a pretend name to stand behind to be an interesting kind of coward. Also wonder what makes him come back. The worst kind of pest.

Cemaya said...

We have pests amongst us do we? Fly swatter anyone? :)

LondonCalling said...

The ranting unsolicited hate on Anon's part, I cannot understand or justify. Good for you.